jokes

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go but, what can they do...

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire. "Damn man! How long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. The night before yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.

She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over.

She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "Do whatever you want!"

"So here I am.”

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​Deputy ends hunting trip by shooting wife


By Hart Van Denburg in Hunting Season
Thu., Nov. 12 2009 @ 10:06AM



We're glad to report that Michelle Cossentine is OK, but one can easily imagine the look on her face
the other day when her husband, Deputy Nathan Cossentine, put a bullet in her thigh.
By accident of course, says Roseau County Chief Deputy Terry Bandemer.

Seems the couple had just returned home after deer hunting on Sunday, and were sitting in their Suburban,
when Nathan checked to make sure his gun wasn't loaded.

It was. Oops.

"He had it laying across his lap, and it discharged," Bandemer tells the Grand Forks Herald.
"The bullet went across his wife's lap, right across her thigh."

Nathan told Bandermer that his finger or a piece of clothing must have caught the gun's trigger.
He took his wife to a Grand Forks hospital, where she was treated and expected to be released yesterday.

c/thru wrote:

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​Deputy ends hunting trip by shooting wife


By Hart Van Denburg in Hunting Season
Thu., Nov. 12 2009 @ 10:06AM



We're glad to report that Michelle Cossentine is OK, but one can easily imagine the look on her face
the other day when her husband, Deputy Nathan Cossentine, put a bullet in her thigh.
By accident of course, says Roseau County Chief Deputy Terry Bandemer.

Seems the couple had just returned home after deer hunting on Sunday, and were sitting in their Suburban,
when Nathan checked to make sure his gun wasn't loaded.

It was. Oops.

"He had it laying across his lap, and it discharged," Bandemer tells the Grand Forks Herald.
"The bullet went across his wife's lap, right across her thigh."

Nathan told Bandermer that his finger or a piece of clothing must have caught the gun's trigger.
He took his wife to a Grand Forks hospital, where she was treated and expected to be released yesterday.

He had the rifle laying across his lap pointed at his wife ?

OMG......what an idiot.

BMG wrote:

He had the rifle laying across his lap pointed at his wife ?

OMG......what an idiot.

it'd be interesting to check in with this couple later and see what *accidents*
have befallen the husband

good way to check and see if the gun is loaded. pull the trigger

KK wrote:

good way to check and see if the gun is loaded. pull the trigger

Kind of like lighting a match to find out where the gas leak is.

BMG wrote:

KK wrote:

good way to check and see if the gun is loaded. pull the trigger

Kind of like lighting a match to find out where the gas leak is.

lol when success becomes tragedy

HOW ,
Prophetic !!

K,ooOOOOOObM

What did they do make Cheney a Deputy

"YOU MAY BE

A TALIBAN

IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2.. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Joebert wrote:

What did they do make Cheney a Deputy

Yeah but Sheriff Andy won't let him have any bullets for his gun

KK wrote:

"YOU MAY BE

A TALIBAN

IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2.. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Number 4.........

BMG wrote:

KK wrote:

"YOU MAY BE

A TALIBAN

IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2.. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Number 4.........

1 & 7 too

Barry Obama is President but the joke is on us. Doesn't he have a Hoiday starting doon?

Joebert wrote:

Barry Obama is President but the joke is on us. Doesn't he have a Hoiday starting doon?

i feel like a punchline